Disneyworld- $3500, Hawaii- $5000, Destin-priceless

I know I haven't written for so long and my last post was so depressing. It had to be said though.
But now the shock is sort of wearing off and the tears are pretty much dried up, life is going forward.
I'm going to try and make this blog my "Family Life" blog. My other blog can be read for updates and more journal-like entries of my battle with cancer, but this one will be my record of day to day life here in the Arnett tribe. There are still wonderful things happening behind the doors of my house and I wouldn't be a good mom if I didn't brag up my kids and share our stories.

So the day after all the news hit our house we literally got in the car and took our long awaited and unbelievably welcome beach trip to Destin Florida. It was the most beautiful beach I think Ive seen since I was in Hawaii on the Nepali Coast. Destin was totally different, but almost more beautiful.
Totally white sand, untarnished by a rock or even a seashell. Sugar-that's what it reminded me of.
Our WONDERFUL friends let us use their condo on the beach and as a result of the "news" we had received the day before, my sister from Australia hopped on a plane and joined us for our vacation. It was so wonderful having her there with us. It was not only the perfect place to spend sister time, she was super supportive to me, and the kids absolutely had a blast with her there. Scott and I have always talked about taking a third person on vacation with us, so we can have an extra pair of hands and a babysitter for date night. My sister spoiled me into thinking I will never be able to take vacation again without a "nanny".
Everything there was literally picture perfect and we took some really cute snaps of the kids.

This was our first minuets on the beach(after a 7 hour day in the car). There was a Hurricane moving in that actually made landfall the next night, but it only made the beach more beautiful and the waters were teeming with life.

Isabelle and Kylie were the totally into the beach. They were all about trying everything. Isabelle got the prize for the best boogie boarder, and Kylie was an awesome snorkeler!

The last day we were there the tide was perfect and created these shallow pools all along the beach it was absolutely dreamy!

We found a crab and caught it. The kids played with it and pretended it was doing kung-fu moves every time he would raise his pincer's up--so funny!

Isabelle our little FISH, learned how to swim without a vest while we were there. Aunt Chris was her pal and they swam so hard poor Christine got swimmers ear! Worth it though, huh Chris?
I cant think of one thing negative to put in here about that trip. It was absolutely perfect and I hope my children never forget it. You know, we have spent thousands of dollars at Disney World, and traveled to exotic places, but this vacation, where we went to just be with one another and spend time in Gods beautiful world was absolutely priceless.

Even with a storm on the horizon, there was beauty to be found.

The Bucket List.

So here's a question for you....If you found out you were going to die, lets say in a year or two years or even five years, what are the first things you would do? ......What thoughts would go through your head? What plans would you make?
Before Monday, I wonder if my answers would be different than they are right now.

Today, at 3:30 pm, I was told that I am now a stage 4 cancer patient. For those of you who don't know the cancer stages, that translates to terminally ill. I will someday die from breast cancer.
The thoughts that have gone through my head are endless, and depressing, and confusing, maddening, terrifying, I even at one moment felt a pang of excitement. My mind has been a vortex of confusion. While at the same time, I have been making my mental list of the things I need to do with what time I have left.
Obviously one of the things on the list(though not at the top) were: 'write it down'.
As horrific as all of this is, I feel the need to record it. I wonder if someday my kids will read these things and be horrified that I had such thoughts or that I even voiced them, but I feel like I need to write. Maybe it just for my own sanity.
Even now, as I sit here seven hours after the final blow was given, my mind is utter chaos. I'm sure I will look back on this entry and see how.....I don't know, I cant even think of the word to describe how twisted this all sounds. Yeah, twisted that's a good one.

So a little backstory just to clarify how this has all played out. I began feeling pain in my back and ribcage about six weeks ago. I thought I had pulled something in my thoracic spine. Even after rest, and meds, and ice and message, the pain lessened though never went away completely. I finally went to see an orthopedic on Thursday of last week. He ordered an MRI, and by Monday my oncologist was involved and there was suspected, but unconfirmed metastatic disease (aka breast cancer that has spread). I had to take charge of the testing and scheduling, other wise I would still be in the dark, because the doctors were dragging their feet as usual, not really thinking things were serious. Scott got the ball rolling, and some blessings of having a friend who is a radiologist, got me in for the testing on STAT priority. I have had that dark cloud feeling lately and I wanted to know "yesterday" what was going on. Not to mention we have had a trip to Destin planned and I didn't want to cancel that!
Anyway, I have been on the anti cancer drug Tamoxifen for almost three years now, I had a clean CT scan 11 months ago and clean blood work 6 months ago. Today I found out that I have cancer in my skeletal system, liver, and possibly lungs. HOW does that happen? How? How can I go from clean tests, to Stage 4 cancer in 11 months??? No one can answer me either. All the doctors are just as baffled. They will know more when my labs come back from a biopsy they will perform on my liver when I return from my trip. Yep, I'm going on the trip. This will be the last fun vacation for a while, and I am NOT missing it.
But as usual, those burning questions are running through my head, why? why? why? Why me?
My 9 year old asked me that tonight. She wondered why Heavenly Father would make us go through things that are bad, and hard. I simply reminded her of the millions of stories from the scriptures about people who were given trials so they could learn, and the people who fell into wickedness when they never had any trials. Our trials are evidence that Heavenly Father DOES love us, and wants us to learn. There are things I obviously haven't figured out. I'm really hard headed I guess.

So some of the things that went trough my head, my biggest fears in all of this; is what will I leave in my wake? What will it do to my children and husband? What will I teach my children? What are the most important things to tell them, and teach them? I have to get my mothering in NOW! I cant procrastinate! What can I possibly leave behind that will be of meaning to them, and to my husband? The thing that I have realized, is that I'm going to be a busy girl. I don't want to go, regretting not making sure my family knows that I love them. Because above all other things on my "Bucket List" THAT is at the top.

My best friend said just last week when I was complaining about all the housework I had to do,
"Heavenly Father isn't going to ask you how clean you kept your house, Hes going to ask you if your kids knew you loved them." She said that. One week ago. Before any of this happened. How could any one statement, have more meaning to me than that? I want them to know, and never ever, ever wonder if I loved them. And I haven't been that good at showing it before now. Its really sad that it takes something terrible, to make something good happen.

So today, my perspective has changed, my life did a complete 180. I went from blistful happiness, to a living night mare. But even now, only 7 hours into it, I have witnessed more than one miracle. So I will look for the blessings in each day that Im allowed to spend here on Earth. I will search for a reason to smile; I will teach what I havent taught; I will remind, where things might be forgotten; I will show love, that I didnt show before; I will say yes, when I would have normally said no. My house might get dirty and somethings will be left undone, but when my Heavenly Father decides to take me from this place, I will not have to wonder if my family and friends knew that I loved them.

PS. I have started my Caringbridge site up again. Please visit it at www.caringbridge.org site name allisonarnett. Please sign the guest book.

My Cup Runneth Over...

My kids never cease to amaze me. They are so smart and it is so amazing what they pick up on and learn.
On Sundays as we sit at the dinner table we always go around the table and ask each person what they learned at church.

Bailey spouted off her lesson from beginning to end about the Plan of Salvation, Kylie recited the word "accountability" and what it meant as well as a few examples. (I take credit for that since I'm her teacher:). When it was Gavin's turn he said he colored and I asked him what his teacher said to him he said that they talked about blessing the food.
When it was Isabelle's turn I asked her what Sister Hawkins told her today. She said that she talked about Heavenly Father and Jesus, she told me about a fight and a mean boy who wanted to do it the mean way, then she told me about the good boy who wanted to do it like Heavenly Father, and Heavenly Father chose the good boy.
I sat there in total shock listening to my little three year old baby tell me about the Great War in Heaven, when the third of the host of heaven followed Satan. She sat there and told me in the simplest of perspectives. As a three year old understands it.
As I sat there thinking about what she said, I was reminded of how simple the Lords plan is for us. How even a small child can understand, and even though she cant be held "accountable" for her actions, she still knows and recognizes good from bad, right from wrong. That little sweet spirit, who just left the Lords presence three short years ago, understands. She didn't ask what heaven was, or who the Lord is. She isn't skeptical, or doubtful. She knows. What a sweet testimony.
Of all the things that I learned in church today, nothing could have made my testimony grow or my heart swell quite as much at that sweet, simple conversation with my daughter.

Oh! The Places We'll GO!!

Since my last post we have been on many adventures. Some of them unforgettable and some of them U.N.F.O.R.G.E.T.T.A.B.L.E!
All of them are noteworthy. As I was going through my pictures I realized that there are so many I will have to do a scrapbook of our "Summer OH-Nine", there were over 500 pictures of our vacation to Utah alone. So without anymore small talk, lets get to the pictures. I will try to keep them in order.
I know this is cruel, but it is so typical of the kind of adventures that we have. I had to put in in here. We always seem to end up in some of the most knee slapping situations. I guess it goes with the territory of having 4 kids...
The yellow bucket had many uses on our trip, all of which were employed by Gavin. He's the car sick boy. The squatter picture was a funny one too. We stopped in front of this ramshackle old saloon that was boarded up, thinking it was a safe, private place to make a pit stop, but it turned out someone lived there! Who would have known!
Lake Powell-One of our most favorite places on EARTH!

Finally! We made it to Utah! They were so happy to see each other, hence the cousin kid pile!

Fun at the splash pad. We went here a bunch. Free fun!

Of course we all had to take a spin in the 'Vette!

Our day trip to Zion. The kids had so much fun hiking. We miss the mountains!


Story time after long days of play. Just precious!


We went to the park on the 4th of July to watch fireworks.

Noah's Pirate party at Pirate Pizza. Take a gander at Martha's, I mean Amy's, cake masterpiece!

We went out to the Sevy farm and rode horses and donkeys and played with the chickens and gathered eggs!
My good friend, Melissa from Salt Lake drove down just to see me! It was so fun seeing her and her cute girls. They were with us at the farm too, and we had fun teaching her to play Mah Jong!

So I grew up in Utah and this was my first trip to the Grand Canyon. It was beautiful and awe inspiring! I was a nervous wreck on some of those narrow paths!

A day at Sand Hollow reservoir, it was hot! The kids had a blast!

And of course no trip to St. George would be complete without a dinner at Ernesto's.
Followed by a birthday celebration for Dad, Amy, Grandma Hebertson, Noah, and Kylie! They all have a birthday in July or August so we just had one big shindig for everyone.
And at the end of the day, I think the kids jumping on the bubble wrap would be what THEY would remember the most!

So there you have it. A VERY condensed synopsis of our trip to Utah. It was super fun, and just looking at these pictures all bunched together in one place, its no wonder I'm POOPED!